


Decisions

by ARMEN15



Category: Brokeback Mountain (2005)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2019-11-13 10:30:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18030044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ARMEN15/pseuds/ARMEN15
Summary: A work found between old files....a AU around 10 years into the characthers' relationship.As usual, no copyrights infringement.





	1. Chapter 1

As usually, no copyright infringements. 

CH 1 

Jack arrived at Wonder Pass an hour after Ennis, who – while waiting for him – walked his horses around the truck, so they could stretch a little before being tied up for the night.  
The next day they would move higher; Ennis had planned to spend the night in a nearby small field, close to the stream they wanted to follow in the morning, up the waters.  
Ennis was waiting anxiously, usually it was the other way around and by the time he arrived, Jack had already set up the tent.  
He imagined Jack was on his way, last week he had received another confirmation postcard, but he wondered why - strangely – Jack would need to confirm their meeting twice.  
Finally a big black truck, with a side panel advertising “Newsome Equipment ltd” stopped near his old one; Jack switched the engine off.  
Ennis noticed that his friend didn't hurry to get off and run to him, like he normally did. Jack opened the door and moved slowly, as he was in some kind of trance; his hat completely covered his face and he kept his head low.  
Ennis swiftly tied both horses and came closer, but Jack stood still, leaning on the truck door.-  
he's tired, Ennis thought, such a long drive every time.  
When he was at arm's length, Ennis saw Jack's eyes were puffy and his face tired; he was now really close, but the agony on Jack's face that stopped the arms that were ready to hug and greet his friend.  
“Ennis, I don't …” jack murmured, shaking his head; Ennis was suddenly afraid, afraid of what Jack might say – surely it was the end if jack arrived in such bad shape.  
Ennis steeled himself, waiting for the news he feared the most - damned the part of him that denied the simple truth of his need for Jack – and was surprised when Jack extended an arm and caught him by the waist with strength enough to leave bruises.-  
Jack had his face in the crook of Ennis' neck, and something wet slid between skin and cotton; Jack was crying, for the first time in all the years they'd known each other  
“What is going on? Tell me, damnit.. tell me!”  
Ennis insisted because he didn't know how to react to tears and sobs; he was able to manage only rage and barely his own at that.  
It was worse than the end of their relationship, something very bad must have happened to Jack, maybe the men with the tire irons had won, in the end, without leaving Jack dead.  
“I can't bear it no more, Larry is so ill.”, Jack said, shaking without control. Ennis tightened his arms around jack, not caring about the bruises that later would mark skin and Jack let Ennis hold him in silence for a long time.  
In the evening, both sat near the fire and Jack tried to explain, whiskey bottle at hand. Jack ate nothing, and Ennis was afraid for the first time of the effect of alcohol on an empty stomach.  
He laid two plaid blankets near the fire and took Jack by the hand, making him nest between his legs, using himself like a support for his man.  
Jack was feeling like he was separated from his body and from his surroundings. He had driven all day north automatically, following the instinct of a migratory bird coming home.  
When Jack had Ennis's hot body touching his and strong hands massaging his neck and shoulders, he felt alive for a moment and words flowed easily.  
“Lureen and me are a disaster, but for him we tried to keep going. I know she wanted me only to make LD angry, but in the end .. she wanted a child, LD a grandson and they sealed a pact. It didn't matter that he was half mine, for LD Larry was the son he never had.”  
“But LD wasn't honest with us. His brother died as an infant fir the same reason, it seems it's hereditary, and there is a high risk of passing it one. LD’s father and mother are first cousins and maybe there was a distant link with Lureen's mother, too. You know, small county towns where half the people are related to each other in some way.” 

Jack drank another swallow, the hand on the bottle was shaking.  
“Don't you see Larry was cursed from the beginning? He's a real Newsome, the image of Lureen. Even his eyes aren't mine, they're hazel.. I completely lost with him Ennis, you don’t know what it means to see your son suffer so much, Lureen is desperate and I ran away because I had to see you or go crazy.”


	2. Chapter 2

CH 2 

Ennis returned to Riverton feeling very tired; the strength he always received after meeting Jack – although tempered by a certain sadness for the short time they had together – didn't stay with him for several days, like it used to be.  
He climbed the stairs to his apartment slowly, the rooms were cold and empty, so he supposed Alma was at work for another extra shift.  
He turned on the heater and went out to collect the girls from Mrs. Linton, the aging neighbour acting as a babysitter for his daughters when Alma was busy.  
They were really happy to see him, offering kisses and hugs when Ennis gave them the necklaces he had bought in a gift store near the gas station where he had said goodbye to Kack. He never came home with presents before, but luckily the girls had never complained about it.

Two weeks later Ennis stopped in front of the post office, a crumpled telegram in hand.  
Jack had written only three words  
“it's over.” And Ennis thought about his little ones, how could such a thing happens to a eight year old? He wanted to answer with another telegram but it felt stupid and silly.  
He turned and sat back in his truck, but his mind refused to cooperate. After a few minutes he started the engine and drove fast to the ranch, explaining his boss that he had to go South and attend a funeral  
He stopped at his place – empty again - to pick up a change of clothes and something dark before heading south, Texas on his mind. 

A 14 hours drive was too much for Ennis who stopped at a motel late in the night; when he entered the lobby and asked for a room, he realised he has skipped both lunch and dinner.  
He asked the old man behind the reception desk if he knew some locals open that late; the answer was negative.  
“I'm sorry.” . The man added.  
“My fault, I should have thought about it before, left home in a hurry.”  
“Why are you heading South?”  
“To see a friend, his son died.”  
“I' m sorry.” the men repeated; he seemed sincere, his face was friendly and maybe he was used to see different kind of customers so that he learned a lot about people.  
“He was only eight.”  
The man wrote Ennis' name on a large book and gave him a key, adding a proposal. “ If you want, we live behind the motel, surely my wife has some food in the fridge, if you don’t mind leftovers.  
“Thanks, I'd appreciate it a lot.”  
Ennis took off his hat, overwhelmed by the kindness; his stomach grumbled, asking attention.  
I'll get a tray to your room soon, you give it back tomorrow morning.  
I'll be leaving early so I pay now. I still have a 5 hours drive.  
The man arrived as promised with a tray and a sympathetic smile. Ennis was glad to have a clean room, a comfortable mattress and a large bathroom; he avoided the green cover on the bed, afraid to sit down and sleep immediately.  
A portion of cold roasted chicken with potatoes and a slice of cheese disappeared in a few bites with two long sips from the beer the man had added to his wife's tray. Ennis put it on the small table, took off boots and jacket and without the strength for a shower went straight under the warm covers. 

The early morning light filtered through the curtains while Ennis carefully took his best outfit from his bag: a new pair of jeans, a black shirt and the jacket he wore on his wedding day, made more comfortable for his larger frame a few years ago by the expert hands of his mother in law.  
A few miles after the motel he found a bar open; he stopped briefly for a slice of cake and a hot coffee, then continued south. He kept his mind on the road, respecting speed limits, checking the map, avoiding the engine to overheat, everything to forget unpleasant ideas.  
I'm a fool ..if the funeral is over .. the in law family .. would I pass for an old friend?  
He made an effort to blow away all these thougths that were working to turn back the truck. 

Ennis reached the Childress city sign before noon and spent some time searching for the right address; he had to ask twice, the first man wasn't a resident, but the successive couple knew Lureen's family and directed him toward a residential area, with lines of new houses built in the same style.  
Four cars were parked in front of a house, whose driveway was occupied by a large black van and by jack's truck. Ennis parked on the opposite side and left the seat, leaving his hat inside.  
The short walk to the front door seemed to last forever, so that he could take note of all the details: the green just cut, a blue painted door, bright curtains on the windows, a large antenna on the roof.  
Signs of beauty and wealth and Ennis felt unable to appreciate them.


	3. Chapter 3

CH 3 

Ennis had almost reached the front door when he noticed someone was opening it; two women appeared on the threshold, ready to leave.   
“Thanks aunt Ann”, said a voice from inside.   
“See you in church”, was the answer of an old lady with a white cane, who leaned to the other, a black woman whose age was impossible to define.  
They were different only for their skin colour, their dresses, hats and body frames made them appear like two sisters.   
The women passed by Ennis, looking at him with curiosity. Then they moved away, communicating with each other in silence; Ennis grabbed the door before it closed and saw an old man inside the house, shoulders heavy like he was carrying stones.   
Excuse me, sir, may I speak with jack twist?  
Ennis missed holding his hat as a way to keep his hands still. The face of the man in front of him was the portrait of desolation   
“Are you a friend?”   
“Yes sir, Ennis Del Mar.” he said, shaking a sweaty hand.  
“I’m LD Newsome, the grandfather. Jack is inside, in the back.”   
The man let him enter, but he didn’t lead him to Jack; he disappeared instead inside the first room on the left and closed the door behind him.  
The corridor was quite dark. All the door were closed, except one on the right, and Ennis hear voices coming from inside. He approached cautiously and saw that it was the sitting room.   
He saw his man immediately, Jack was standing, his back to the door, offering a glass to a woman sat on the sofa.  
Ennis stopped hesitantly. He was only a few meters away from jack but it felt like an ocean. All his doubts came back to haunt him. Because it was not his place and he had no rights to look at jack in his house.  
But if LD, the grandfather, was so grief stricken, how much jack was suffering, when he was the father?  
So if Ennis was there to carry only the smallest part of jack's pain, it was his duty and right to stay.  
He decide to remain immobile, sure that someone would notice him, sooner or later. There were four other people, two middle aged man and a couple, the female half of which was visibly pregnant. Jack moved to say something to one of the men, who pointed at the door with a hand,   
Jack thought it was another neighbor visiting the family and at first glance did not recognize the familiar face and at a second he did not believe what he was seeing.  
Ennis moved forward without looking Jack in the eyes, he could not bear the pain.  
When Jack realised it was really Ennis, in his house, in front of him, close enough to touch, he crossed the room and hugged Ennis like a desperate man.  
It was not like other hugs they shared together, but stronger and more meaningful; jack was crying and couldn't speak, Ennis forgot for a moment there were other people and rjbbed his hand on jack's back, feeling the tensed muscles under the shirt and jack's thinner frame. 

A woman with dark glasses entered the room and seeing Jack and Ennis' hug sighed.   
“Poor boy”, she murmured, touching Jack's shoulder and she thanked Ennis, who saw her approaching and stilled in fear.  
Jack freed himself from the embrace but kept one hand on his friend’s arm. Ennis noticed Jack eyes were red and puffy, his faced shaved only on the right side and full of new wrinkles.   
“Mum, this is my friend Ennis from Wyoming.”  
“Mr del mar, I'm Lureen's mother.”  
“I'm here because of your grandson.”  
“I know. Jack, take him into your study so you cal talk alone, I'll stay here.”  
Mrs Newsome lead them tenderly but firmly toward the stairs to the first floor.  
“When your parents arrive at the station, I'll call you jack. Ennis, do you want something to drink? You've drove such a long way.”  
“No thanks, Mrs. Newsome,”  
“I'll prepare something anyway.”   
For Jack and Ennis being alone in a room with people’s approval seemed incredible. They sat on a small leather sofa under the window that had a view of the back garden. The shelves of the walls were full of Jack’s rodeo medals; it was his refuge, Ennis was sure, no traces of Lureen there. jack had collected his pas a rodeo rider, except for the picture of a children’s football team in a new frame.  
“There’s always people here since… Lureen is sedated, she doesn’t sleep, only cries.. I try to do my best, but people come here in waves, all her relatives are here.”  
Jack sighed and searched for Ennis’ hand, who did not resist; they could part immediately and if someone saw them, it could be passed off as a gesture of comfort.   
“Thanks for coming here. “  
Ennis answered with more pressure on Jack’s hand. The door was closed but they could hear steps on the stairs.  
“I’m so sorry…” Ennis couldn’t find the words. I’m so sad for you, it breaks my heart, I’d five a hand to have Larry back. “ If I can do something.. he was so young.”   
Ennis’ gut was dry and words crossed an arid desert before reaching his mouth.   
“Sometimes I don’t understand anything, it seems like it’s all a bad dream and then I remember. Why him, Ennis?”  
Jack’s mother in law knocked at the door and waited for Jack’s reply before opening it. Ennis was already standing near the window when she entered, moving slowly because Lureen was leaning on her arm.  
“Lureen would meet Mr Del Mar, wouldn’t you, dear?”  
Lack’s wife seemed like a rag doll, her hair were covered by a scarf and she wore a nightdress and a black robe. She stared at Ennis and tried to speak, but she could only murmur something unintelligible.   
With difficulty she thanked Ennis; the effort was too much, she slipped from her mother’s arm. Ennis was faster than Jack to catch her with strong arms and made her lie down, Jack lifted her legs on the couch to make her more comfortable.  
His mother in law asked him to follow, while Ennis remained in the room with Lureen.   
“She wanted to get up to see who was there, when I told her your friend arrived, she wanted to see him, but she cannot walk. How will we manage tomorrow in church?   
Mrs, Newsome appeared nervous, her hands trembling.   
“Don’t worry, Ennis is here now. He’ll be a great help.” Jack felt stronger because he didn’t feel alone any more.   
“Your parents called, too., they are waiting for us at the bus station, I could send cousin Karl to take them here, he’s in the kitchen with LD:”  
“I’ll ask Ennis, but thank you.”  
Inside the study, Lureen was looking at Ennis with hollow eyes, but he felt the weight of her gaze.   
Standing in front of her, he felt like an intruder. He was the other man, the one Jack really wanted, while he had been the second choice.   
But when she tried to smile, Ennis understood how beautiful she was and why she choose Jack over other men. They were both gorgeous, Lureen couldn’t have accepted an ordinary man, she had to have the most beautiful rodeo cowboy of the circuit.  
And Ennis also understood that she didn’t know about him and Jack; she believed Ennis was Jack’s friend, his best friend.   
When Jack returned, he witnessed a scene he’d never dare to imagine, Lureen crying in Ennis’ shoulder, while he kneeled beside her.


	4. Chapter 4

Ch 4

Ennis was glad to be of use; he needed time to accept the luxurious reality of Jack's house and so he preferred to meet Jack's parents in a public place instead of inside those walls. Mrs. Newsome had compelled him to stay in the kitchen and eat a sandwich before allowing him to leave in Jack's truck. 

Mrs. Twist was lost in the hall of the bus station. Although the place wasn't crowded, she glanced around like a rabbit outside its cage; she felt nervous and afraid when a group of people heading for Forth Worth crossed her path on their way to the bus. She had never been so far from home; the journey to mourn her only grandchild – a child she had seen only in pictures – lasted for two days.  
Her husband had refused always to so south and she was afraid to travel alone. Every year Jack promised her that he would bring Larry to the ranch, in vain.

Mrs. Twist didn't believe in Jack's marriage; it happened so fast, without telling them ahead of time that he was engaged, so she imagined it was a quick decision, due to the impending birth of Larry. She remembered that after that second summer spent working for Aguirre, Jack had changed; he was quieter, sometimes refusing to speak at all. Then he had left for the rodeo season.

The news of the child had silenced John's acid remarks; he had believed Jack wasn't good with women at all, but she was the mother and loved Jack deeply, always forgiving his strange attitude during high school, when Jack wanted to be the first in every sports.

The Twists were waiting near the exit, guarding their small bag at their feet; Mrs. Twist controlled every car approaching, to see if Jack was the driver. She saw a truck parked nearby and a tall blond man looking around cautiously.   
Ennis entered the station and briefly scanned the various people; someone was checking the timetable, other people were paying for their tickets or drinking at the small bar, travellers were scattered around, searching comfortable seats for a long wait.

Then he saw the middle aged woman dressed in black, standing near a man. He approached and felt silly for his fear of not recognizing Jack's parents; jack was his mother's portrait, the same blue eyes.   
Her gaze met Ennis' and a signal passed between them; Ennis went closer and took off his hat.   
“Mrs. and Mr. Twist? I'm from Jack.”  
The couple nodded.  
Ennis offered his hand. “I'm Ennis Del Mar, a friend. I'll drive you.”  
he bent to collect the bag, faster than John Twist, who looked disappointed for being slower.  
Ennis led them to the truck, opened the passenger door for Mrs. Twist and stowed the baggage; it wasn't heavy, as if they wouldn't or couldn't take too many things for the journey.  
The engine roared and Ennis focused on the road, Mrs. Twist was staring at him.  
“Your name is Del Mar?”  
“Yes Mrs Twist.”  
“You're the friend from Aguirre summer, aren't you? Jack always talked about you, didn't he John?   
She said, turning to her husband.  
“Jack and his fool plans.”  
“He said he wanted to fix our ranch with you, someday. He wanted to come back home. Then he got married, but once or twice he remembered his idea.”  
“Bad idea, Mrs Twist, too many problems to solve.”  
Are you married?   
She could not believe she was talking with her son's best friend, the only one Jack spoke about. Jack was so happy when he remembered the summer of '63, he and Ennis working together, their fishing trips twice a year and their lasting friendship. She wanted to know more about Ennis.  
“Yes, I got two girls, Junior and Frannie.”   
“And do you live in Wyoming?”   
“Riverton. First time I travelled, down here, for the funeral.”  
Ennis wasn't happy to be questioned too much, but he tried to understand the situation.  
“Jack promised me...” Mrs. Tesit's voice died into a murmur, her husband put a hand on her shoulder.   
Ennis wanted with all his heart to find something appropriate to say, but a mother's pain requested only silence. They reached the destination swiftly, the front door opened and Jack came running to embrace his mother, who started crying.  
The neighbours had again offered dinner to the mourners, ringing the bell with large plates covered in shining silver alluminium foil.  
The Twists sat at the table in silence with LD and Ennis, while her mother was combing Lureen's hair with a hairdresser, Ennis sat at Mrs. Twist's right, her husband opposite beside Jack, LD at the head.   
Mrs Twist murmured a short prayer, asking God peace for her family.  
When dinner was finished, Jack and Ennis went to the back garden to smoke a cigarette.  
Jack had arranged a motel room for his parents, after his mother asked him so; she didn't want to share Jack's house.  
“My parents will stay at the Traveller's lodge tonight, mom don't like here. Lureen will sleep at LD's house, our doctor will visit her later and maybe give her something to sleep. Do you want to stay here or go to the motel, too? A guest room is already made up.”  
Jack's tone was unsure, like a child who wants a gift and doesn't know how to ask it.  
For the whole evening he wondered how to persuade Ennis to stay, only stay; it didn't matter in which bed, he only wanted him around, until the end of that personal hell.  
Ennis was looking at Jack with burning eyes, his gaze seemed to ask. “Do you want tme to stay?” but his words were respectful and polite.  
“Would you rather to be alone?”  
“Dammit, Ennis, you even think I can refuse you?”   
Ennis' nervousness quickly melted, he didn't want to leave Jack. “Sorry, Jack, this is a strange situation, You.. you choose what I do.”  
“Stay, please.”  
Jack touched his arm and returned inside, Ennis heard his voice in the corridor.  
“Mom, Ennis will drive you to the motel, you'll be more comfortable in Lureen's car. See you in the morning,”  
During the short drive Ennis's silence won over Mrs. Twists attempts at conversation. “Thank you Mr. Del Mar” she said leaving the car. “ I wish we met under other circumstances.” Her husband took the bag and entered the motel lobby without a word.   
Back from the motel, Ennis got lost when he turned left one time too much; the streets were too identical, all the houses had been built from the same stamp.  
He drove around for a few minutes, than asked a woman walking her dog where Primrose Lane was.   
Ennis felt relieved when he parked the Cadillac outside the right garage; the house was dark, no lights from the sitting room or from the bedroom. His eyes adapted to the darkness as he turned the corner and walked on the grass; it was soft, maybe one of the flowerbeds under the front windows. Ennis was deadly tired, his feet like stones; the weight of the long drive and the emotional turmoil he was experiencing were too much for him.


End file.
